“Yet…Hope is in the loss.
Now I know, this is only the beginning. The beginning of a beautifully broken road leading me back to the joy I thought I lost.”
These were the words I wrote just a year ago.
What a difference a year makes.
With a grateful heart, I now sit here with my 10 week old baby boy.
Realizing, it really was only the beginning of a beautifully broken road which led us back to the joy I so desperately hoped we hadn’t lost.
At this time last year, we mourned. We mourned the baby we lost. We mourned the joy we felt weeks before.
My heart ached. My perspective changed.
I joined a broken community of women no one wants to be a part of.
Here I am now to encourage you. To encourage those of you who are in the midst of brokenness. Who are in the midst of lost hope. Lost joy. Heartache.
The road is long. It feels longer.
You will have days of pure sadness. Days of complete happiness. Days of utter confusion.
Don’t lose hope. Don’t stop believing in your miracle.
God is in control.
He will give you the desires of your heart.
Seek Him. Trust Him.
I don’t know why God answered “Yes” to our prayers so quickly. Why He may be telling you “No” or “Wait.”
You may be struggling with the loss of a baby. Miscarriage. Infertility.
I pray for you every day. Pray God will give you your “Yes.”
I wondered how I would feel when I found out I was pregnant again.
Scared? Happy? Surprised? Excited? Shocked?
I felt all of these things. And more.
My pregnancy was all but easy.
I was so sick. All day, every day for weeks.
Once the sickness was over, something else would plague me.
Heartburn. Chest pains. Uncontrollable itching. Elevated liver enzymes. Abnormal ultrasounds.
Every time we turned around, it was something.
It was scary. Terrifying. Frustrating.
There were more moments of crying than I care to admit.
I had to remind myself to enjoy it.
It can be taken so quickly. It was taken so quickly the first time.
Yet, this time I was hopeful. I had a peace that transcended all understanding.
God knew I needed peace.
Hope truly is in the loss.
I would do it all again for my perfect baby boy. You would too.
To the mamas in the trenches of motherhood.
Enjoy your baby. Every moment.
Sleepless nights. Spit-up stained clothes. Countless dirty diapers. Feeding around the clock. Days that feel like weeks.
Endless crying. From you and the baby.
It’s hard. I know. I am there.
There are women who long for the things we have. The joy we feel.
I want to encourage you. We know all too well it goes by so fast.
It won’t be like this for long. This season is short.
We will look back on these days and wish we had them back.
Don’t let the mommy guilt discourage you.
We are all doing the best we can.
Bottle feeding. Nursing. Pumping. Co-sleeping. Working. Staying at home.
You know all the things mamas get judged about.
Whatever you are doing, it is right.
You are enough.
Mamas, my heart is with you. I am praying for you.
All of you. Those of you who have your answered prayer and those still waiting.